What a beautiful feeling to end the day feeling accomplished! I forgot how satisfying it is to set a goal or idea for the day and take the steps to accomplish THAT particular task & actually DO IT!! I go through these periods in life (sighh unfortunately) where I’m at a really high & out of nowhere I’ll sink into a low. Starting sometime last week, this low started to come back about. I feel so bored with life. Like I’m just living, school, work, assigned tasks, blah same shit different hours, new day! Time, hours, moments, opportunities, possibilities, just passing me by. Never to come back, once missed. Just going through the motions. I had to real life re-evaluate some shit pertaining to myself & what I want. I write down MY biggest passions, MY goals, and set tasks of MY interest to accomplish (long term & short.) Blahh long story short, I decided that today no matter how tired from work, overwhelmed with assignments, or consumed with emotions I’d accomplish this particular task that I have been putting off for so long. I did. Late. have to get up at 7. I know. but it was worth it. I’m done ranting.
What’s more worse than allowing yourself to “love" when you know you are in a vulnerable state, still deeply connected to your past, and searching for temporary security & comfort? Allowing that individual to fall in love with you…
Today I finally truly realized, (yea on Christmas sadly) that I Can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. I Can’t repair a damaged relationship with someone who thrives off of past mistakes and will forever be bitter about all my wrongdoing. I can’t continue to seek approval from an individual who simply can not be pleased. Why did it take so long for me to realize, acknowledge, and ACCEPT this fact! Shit. I’m so over it. The respect will still be there of course, but when I say my eyes have finally opened to see you for who you really are. Believe me. I’m so over it. Love at a distance.. I must. but mannn this realization is a sad but joyous moment for me.. a part of my being got so much lighter!
“Nineteen things I’ve learned before I turned nineteen.
1. Always carry $5 and a lighter with you (even if you don’t smoke).
2. Ask every person you meet how their day is going. Genuinely ask with the soul intention of learning how their day is. Ask the coffee shop employee. Ask the person next to you in line at Walmart. Ask your distant friend. Ask everyone.
3. Take many photos of yourself. Take photos of yourself when you’re happy. Take photos of yourself when you’re sad. Take photos of yourself because there are millions of trees in the world, and we all look at the same sky, but there is only one of you.
4. Stay in contact with your parents. Try not to hate them. They are the reason you have the ability to feel anything at all. Try not to hate your parents.
5. Opening your skin will not set your demons free. Open your heart. Open your mind. Open your hands.
6. Nobody knows anybody completely. That’s okay.
7. Be gentle, but be aggressive. Take a stand. Nobody hears your voice if you stay silent.
8. Respect everybody. We are all humans trying to survive. We all deserve respect.
9. Wearing black will ALWAYS make you feel better about yourself.
10. Always give tips, whether it be a couple extra dollars or a piece of mind. You never know how much you could be helping someone.
11. Change is the only thing consistent in life. Do not allow that bother you. Embrace chance and move with life, whichever direction it chooses to take you.
12. Smile often. Smile at strangers. Smile at your friends. Smile when nobody is looking and you’re alone in your bedroom. Smile when somebody is rambling to you.
13. Body image means nothing. Your body is merely just a seatbelt in the car. Your body is here to protect you. You choose the direction you go, and your body will not hold you back. Only you can hold yourself back.
14. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t allow yourself to hate anybody. Forgive them. Learn to love them for the person you never got to see them to be. Believe that a beautiful human exists in that person. Wish them well.
15. Drink orange juice. Lot’s of it.
16. Don’t allow the opinions of others to choose your destiny. We are all simply trying to live our own life.
17. Sing all the time. Sing off key. Sing in a silly voice. Sing like you’re on stage. Sing no matter who is around. Singing is breathing for the soul. Sing.
18. Take time to think. Write your feelings down. Write letters to the people you love. Texting is overrated and not as heartfelt as a nice handwritten letter.
19. Live for yourself. Breathe for yourself. Do everything in your life for nobody but you. This is your life. This is it.”—(via rabbrakha)